“Who’d you rather have, your girlfriend or your Mum”?
As you can see, intellectual conversation comes few and far between at this diner table and thank fuck for that. Or on this occasion thank that guy that’s taking the piss out of our newest employee again and whose name I’ve just forgotten. I do that a lot.
“My girlfriend”, comes the required response.
“I’d have your Mum”!
“Well, you’d have to dig her up first”.
Silence descends upon the canteen. Silence were it not for the sound of soup firing through my nose and onto the table. Don’t get me wrong here, as much as I love the misfortune of others I’m not actually laughing at the fact this young lads Mothers dead or at the sexual suggestion towards a young guys dead Mum (maybe a little), but at the situation, timing and how much of a prick the older guy must feel at this moment.
“I feel like a right dick man, do you want a bag of crisps”?
Not going bring her back now is it?
I’ve been there myself with the old foot in the mouth and so I know how easily it’s done after a drunken argument with someone at a party where I was quite clearly mistaking someone for someone else.
“Your sister’s not dead, I saw her last night.” Yeah, that shits only funny when it happens to someone else. I sat arguing my case until he left the room in floods of tears. What an arse. He’s just ran off with my lighter!
So yeah, the moral here would be that we all fuck up be that little or be that a lot but I believe that it’s those memories that you keep locked away that are by far the most interesting and share worthy. So after sharing my last 30 years of misshapes, fuck ups and calamities in the form of Without Wax, allow me to introduce to you..
KISS MY ASS